she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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