I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
