Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
