i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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