my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
