We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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