I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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