that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
