Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
