The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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