She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
