The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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