I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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