I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
