My room smells like vodka and shame
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
