everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
