I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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