i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
