I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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