I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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