yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's shark week go big or go home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
