What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
