But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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