Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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