he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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