He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
