You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
