Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it penis luge time yet?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
