ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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