I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
