so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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