ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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