Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
