i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
