Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
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It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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