please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
