Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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