am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
