dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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