Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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