I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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