why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sarcasm needs its own font
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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