well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
