Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
