I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
