Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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