I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
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no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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