So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
