we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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