so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
