remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
