Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
PANTIES FOUND
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize