I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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