i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
