Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
