I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
