I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fill condoms, not promises.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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