Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
