while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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