I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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