I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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