Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
