Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we're making bets on your personal life
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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