1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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