i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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