He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
