Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
