he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
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I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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