yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
