Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
