i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
