I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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