Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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