dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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