How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
...so i touched it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
