Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
