That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
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i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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