why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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