I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
