Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
